Summer Reading

We'll see how many I get through while I am in Korea.

Soul Searching- Mindy Caliguire
Evangelism in the Early Church- Michael Green
As I Lay Dying- William Faulkner
How to Lead a Seeker Bible Discussion- Rebecca Manley Pippert
The Cost of Commitment- John White
The Master Plan of Evangelism- Robert E. Coleman
I Once Was Lost- Don Everts and Doug Schaupp
Friend Raising- Betty Barnett
Picturing the Gosple- Neil Liningstone
Coconut Generation- Sam George
Colossians Remixed- Brian J. Walsh and Sylvia C. Keesmaat
Courageous Leadership- Bill Hybels
Called to Care- Judith Allen Shelly and Arlene B. Miller

Summertime (and the living is easy.)

It is summertime. So I guess that means I am going to start to blog. Whoot.

Frankly, its creepy.

I guess since it is break, and I don't get to talk to people who aren't Charis or my immediate family, I will start blogging again.

So I just finished New Moon. For those of you not in the know, this is the second of four books in the Twilight saga, a series about a teenage girl, Bella, who falls in love with a vampire, Edward. Edward is beautiful, his body is chiseled, he has super human speed and strength (meaning that he can carry Bella around and give great piggy-backs) he is an amazing musician (composing songs for Bella), and he is oober smart. He protects Bella from harm, he watches her in her sleep (a little staulkerish but whatever) and most of all he is devastatingly in love with Bella. And if I were Bella, I'm not sure I would want to date him. Or at least, theirs isn't exactly a relationship I am going to spend much time fantasizing being in one day. Frankly, its creepy.

Its not the fact he is a vampire, but the intensity of the relationship that is unsettling. All the diologue is like *read to self in annoyed and sarcastic tone* ""oooo I love you." "No! I love you more." "Don't kid your self, I totally love you more." "Why would you ever love me?!" "How could you ever love me?!" "I can't live with out you" "wahhhhhhhn!!! im so in love it hurts!"" They almost NEVER talk about anyone other then themselves, and when they do, its only to be concerned with immediate family. Even when they talk about them selves, the dialog is heavy on how much they love each other and light on anything else about them. It seems so substantialness. So shallow. So inwardly focused and self obsessed. Obviously there are still elements of their relationship and the plot of the book that will keep me reading to the end of the series, but it super reinforcing the idea that a relationship should be a blessing to more then just the two people that are involved. By all means, be in love- enjoy each other! But when thats all you do, all you think about and talk about, gag me with a spoon. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion this is why God made children come from sex. Its like God saying, don't stop loving each other, but don't forget to love other people too!!

Just thought I would share my thoughts and calm any worries y'all might have (knowing my propensity to get lost in love stories) hearing that I'm reading some of the sappiest teen fiction ever put into print.

Control

I might have a really hard time with the fact that e-boards blog isn't my blog. Carrie just wrote the first non-Katy entry, and she only capitalized one word in the title- the second word, and it was all in CAPS.

*Deep breath*

Perhaps this will be a good exercise in not having to control everything.

(You can check out e-board's blog at binghamtonivcf.blogspot.com.)

All about the sabbath (mostly cause I'll copy paste this to use for my healthy habits journal)

So I am interrupting my quite time to write this, because something occurred to me this Sabbath. I think I am trying to be a weekend rest warrior, and trying to get all my rest into one day. And this means that I am not focusing on resting in God, but more on catching up on sleep and play that I don’t get to enjoy during most of the week. I’d like for my Sabbath to be lots of quite time (in the literal and Christianese sense), reading, time in nature, and fellowship. But yesterday, I was so physically tired by Sabbath, that all I did was lie on the floor of Steve and Tom’s place and watch tv and movies.

I think if I want to rest, and not just veg, I am going to have to be better at giving myself breaks through out the week. I'm getting better at setting aside chunks of time for home work, fellowship work, and Korean language development, so now I think I want to put aside some rest time during my days. If I actively rest as opposed to trying to doing hours upon hours of highly distracted work, I'll probably be able to get more done.

My stupid freaking healthy habit journal, Sabbath, and tooth pick crosses

So I'm supposed to take up a healthy habit and keep a daily journal of it for NURS 222. Yeah freaking right. Like I'm going to journal EVERY DAY about some thing. I think I really resent that the nursing program is taking the liberty to make me change how I live AND being so invasive as to make me write about it EVERY day. Screw that.

This entire entry is going into the journal, including what I just said. If they want to know about how I feel about adopting a healthy habit and then writing about it all the time, then they can know how irate I am that they are trying to get so much into my life. For a program that places such an emphases on professionalism and separating your private life from your work, you'd think that they'd let us be good nursing students in class and clinical but who ever we want to be outside.

So my healthy habit is going to be keeping the rest work cycle as laid out in Genesis 1, aka Sabbath keeping. But a part of resting one day is working the other six, so I think that that is what I'll be journaling about for the most part.

Sabbath Update: Last Sunday, my room was spick and span by the time Saturday 7 rolled around, and I didn't do homework or fellowship work till Sunday 6:30ish. Next week I want to do the same things, but add both a quite time (at least 1/2 hour) on Saturday night and on Sunday (again, at least 1/2 hour) before sabbath ends, and I want to subtract spending money. So no shopping on Sabbath. I've decided that that doesn't apply to dinning halls, but no Walmart or online stuff on Sabbath. A part of not working I think should also be not acquiring.

Work Update: So as today isn't sabbath, I should have don't lots of work. But I didn't. I got up later then usual cause I was tired. And after eight and a half hours of classes, I just went over to Sunroot's for dinner and we talked till 11. (God, I love talking with that kid...) Now I'm just trying to get some fellowship stuff done before bed.

I'm okay with not getting lots of work done on Tuesdays. If I can get through all my classes, that seems like work enough. I just wish I didn't have to organize this freaking tabling thing for IV. I love God, but not some of ways I find my self serving Him. I guess its just a toothpick cross I'll have to put in my pocket and let poke me sometimes. (aka 'bearing my cross' on a much, much smaller scale.)

Cognitive activation theory of stress

The theory that instability and stress occur whenever there is a discrepancy between what the person perceives the situation should be and what it is.

(aka- my life)

Sabbath

So today was my second Sabbath of the semester, and I am still doing the very basic- no homework. Next week, I am going to add that it starts Saturday at 7, ends Sunday at 7, and that my room should be clean by the time it starts on Saturday. I am also going to start working on a Sabbath prayer, (something like a kiddush) so I can talk to God about and remind me of all the reasons I celebrate Sabbath in the first place.

Eww

Right now I am at my desk in my room reading my 1800 page nursing text book with only the desk light on because Joanna is trying to pretend thats it isn't 1 o'clock in the afternoon, and is still sleeping. I've decided not to let that bother me. I can do basically anything I want to while she is sleeping, just as long as I do it kind of quietly.

Nursing is an interesting profession but think I am pretty intimidated by the responsibility of it all. I also just realized this morning that I am probably going to be seeing a lot more adult male genitalia before my wedding night, seeing as one of the things coming up in the syllabus is inserting catheters, giving bed baths, and other naked intensive procedures. I'm going to say it here cause I'll get in trouble if I say it in a hospital setting, but eww. Gross, gross, groddy, gross, eww.

I'm glad I got that out of my system.

My week days are a little busy, but Ill try updating on weekends.

Comfort and Chinese

So I am back in the comfort of my home in Troy. And maybe we (my family and I) are too comfortable with each other. I say that because I just got back from the kitchen where one of my brothers was wearing just his tighty whities and a tee-shirt. Maybe its because the only two times I have seen adult male genitalia have been relatively traumatic (once was my brother in a freak pantsing accident, the other was a guy publicly pleasuring himself on the train from Seoul to Anyang) but I would rather my little brothers not be so casual parading their junk around the house.

In my last blog I said I was going to start learning Chinese characters, and right now I probably know a little over 100 (their English meaning, and Korean pronunciation.) Its pretty exhilarating. Sometimes I feel like Lyra reading the Alithiometer in the His Dark Materials series. While some combinations are ingenious; the word "eye under" means now, at present. The character which doubles the character for fire one over the other, "yawm" means flame, bright, brilliant, inflamation, or ...itis. Others however are a little harder to understand, and then I feel like Lyra going through the levels of different meaning in each component of the character to put together a comprehensive meaning. For example, the character for tree combined with the characters for eye and heart is "sang" which means, to think or expect. Combine rain with tree and eye and you get frost (also pronounced sang). I know sometimes characters will have one component to denote pronunciation with another to suggest meaning but neither rain, heart, tree, or eye make are pronounced "sang" which would mean they are all there for meaning, in which case I a little lost. Maybe tree eye makes sang, and I've just forgotten. Any way, I love it. I wonder how hard it would be to learn to speak Chinese if I could already read it? I'm glad my roommate this year is freaking awesome in Chinese (three dialects no less) cause I think I need some help with my calligraphy.

KgtK 13 (the last one): In the gray.

So tonight is my last night in Korea, but I'm going to blog about something I put on a list things to blog about.

So I think I'm not thinking so much in Black and Whites anymore.

Example: My class was together for four hours every day for five weeks and we got to know each other pretty well, and in my case, they saw how hard I studied and how anal I was about attendance and homework. Right before we took exams, our teacher was going over the grading system and the standard is that there are five tests and if you fail one of them you fail all of them. Which sucks for me, because despite my best efforts, I failed both of our practice listening tests. So when I asked our teacher about it, she just looked sorry and said there wasn't anything she could do about it, but my class jumped into action. "Katy, just sit next to me, and I'll make sure you get enough right to pass."

So I immediately said what I always say in situations like these. "Oh, I don't cheat." And its true. But as soon as I said it I felt like a jerk. Were my classmates trying to lie? steal? kill? do anything to harm anyone? No. On the contrary, they saw someone who was working hard but lacked the background in Korean needed to pass an especially challenging listening test, and in a spirit of comradely offered to help me out. Even if I wouldn't cheat, replying with "Oh, I don't cheat." pretentiously taking the moral high ground when all they were trying to do is help is so jerky of me.

I think I have used Christianity as an excuses to say in the Conventional State of Kohlberg's stages of moral development, when really, being in a relationship with Christ, knowing Christ and his teachings, should give me the ability venture into Post Conventional ethics with out going off the handle or using the un-conventionality as an excuse to do things that are wrong.

For example, if I could go back I still wouldn't cheat, but I also would have thanked my classmates for their offer instead of not so subtly judging them for it.

(As an update, I didn't cheat, and I did fail. I actually failed worse on it then on the practices. (36%) On the other hand, I got the second highest score in my class on the writing section. Go figure.)

I think I wrote this tonight cause Flo's comment on my last blog about quite times. To be honest, I probably have had four or five traditional quite times my whole time in Korea. This would usually haunt me. But my spontaneous prayer has been going good, and I've been at such peace with G-d these last couple of weeks (which is a big change from my usually feeling of sourceless (or innumerably sourced) guilt.) So, I don't know what that is about, but I like it. I guess I need to learn to live a little more in the gray.

I go to Costa Rica tomorrow. I'm psyched to see the Bedenkops, but worried about the impending sporean I'm about to start speaking.

Also, heads up to my Chinese friends. I'm about to learn to read Chinese. (I bought a two books on Hanja today.) Not like that will mean much. Just thought you should know.

KtgK 12: Warm fuzzy.

So today I realized I love myself. I love who God created me. We went and tried on makeup at some store, and you know how my eyes are gorgeous after I put eye make up on? (Well, they are.) And my the girl friends I was with kept complementing me. And I realized then, that I don't want to be Korean. I just want to be a white person who really likes Korea, speaks Korean, and knows a lot about it. Which is probably really healthy cause thats all I can really ever be. No more resenting who God created me as. What a warm fuzzy day for me.

So in Korea, weird things are separated by sex. There are separate boys and girls laundry rooms in my building. I was watching these flag dancers/ cheer leaders rehearse today, and even though they were learning the same exact thing, they were broken into guys and girls (and this is college). Also, in the library there are guys and girls lounges, which would make sense if there were bunk beds or something for naps, but its really just a couple of benches and a vending machine. None of these things are wrong bad or inconvenient, just from an American perspective, unnecessary.

And on that note, does anyone have opinions on blog ediquitte and writing about gender specific issues? I find my self often thinking about posting things that I would tell Flo or Jo (or any girl really) in a heart beat, but might be embarrassed if I guy overheard. To me that means I shouldn't blog about it. Any differing opinions?

Brazil?

So, I just got a missions report from some YWAMers in Brazil, and it made me think, Brazil?

Because of my background in Spanish, it wouldn't take very long to learn Portugese, I'm pretty sure there is a sizable Korean community there, and its a country where I could deff use my nursing in a free-clinic like environment.

Right now I'm playing the "Where in the world is God going to use all these random things about me?" game. Brazil makes me go, "hmmmm...."

(But don't ask in a year if I'm still going to Brazil. Its just a thought. A pondering. A mere musing. I still have no clue where G-d might bring me.)

KtgK 11: An adventure.

Yesterday I went on an adventure and found YWAM Seoul. I got there and it was in this apartment like building, so I start going up the stairs and catch a guy on his way to the bathroom. Thats when I realized I had no clue how to express what I was there for in Korean. Oops.

So I made him wait while I found my cell phone and used the Korean English dictionary in it to figure out the word office, and pointed to my self saying "나도 YWAMer 이에요." (I'm a YWAMer too.) I also asked "영어 말한 사람 있어요?" (Is there an English speaking person here?) Real smooth, right?

So I got to speak with one of the YWAMers there in Konglish for about an hour about the base, YWAMs ministries in Seoul and the rest of Korea, and of coarse, who I was and why the heck I was there.

So YWAM in Seoul does a lot of the usual YWAM type things (DTS, Performing Arts, Kings Kids, etc...), but it also acts like InterVarsity in that there is a YWAM staff at almost every university in Seoul doing Carrie-like things. There is even one at Yonsei, but I don't know if I will contact him seeing as I'm only here for another week and a half.

So there are a lot of really cool things about 'YWAM InterVarsity' especially when there are a lot of chapters all in one city. One of them is "Campus Worship" which I went to after I left the base. Its basically like a the large group times in a IV retreat, except there are more people (around 500 when I went, but over 1,000 when school is in its regular session) AND they do it every Thursday. I went and it was VERY very cool. It makes me want to go to real college here.

And thats another thought on my mind. Lets say by the time I graduate college I am functionally fluent in Korean. I could totally do grad work or YWAM schools here. I don't know if thats whats in God's plan for me (but I would love it if it is.)

And that brings me back to this nagging fear that A. I am currently not doing God's will and B. That I will be too afraid to really seek what the heck Gods will is for the future.

I know thats a slippery slope into neon sign desperation, but I know I need to stop and really pray about the next two years and the couple of years after that so I can stop playing a "whats God's will" guessing game. But I am too scared to do it.

Thats a dumb fear cause God is God and Hes not failed me once. I wish that fact would connect more with how I live my life.

On a different note, I think I am going to cut back of my media intake. I think I found myself thinking today that if I don't get a boyfriend soon my heart might just break and stop beating and I will die and be dead like a dead dead thing that is not alive and has no life. I find this type of utter desperation to be unbecoming of a girl/women my age (too old to be so dramatic, too young to be so desperate) so I think I might need to deal with my main reminder of my singledom and retake up my Lenten discipline of no romantic comedy/drama. Being okay with where God has put me know will probably help me figure out where He wants me to go.

You have probably heard me say all of this before (because I know I have said all of this before.) Apparently this is a lesson I am choosing to learn the long way...

This has nothing to do with Korea

I just watched a you tube video of hill song doing "best friend" in a concert or something and I'm pretty sure I got motion sickness just from watching it. I know you can break dance, and dance dance, and hop up and down for Jesus, but if I went to that church, I think I would just be distracted and out of breath for Jesus.

(I'm not criticizing, just questioning if that would be a helpful environment for me to focus on God. I think thats what heaven might look like though (assuming you can't get distracted in heaven.))

(Bix requested the link, so here it is http://kr.youtube.com/watch?v=eLeMHfk4zlY)

KgtK 10: I think about these things too much.

My life has settled into a pretty steady rythem, hence the few posts. I am not doing the assinged homework from class, but I am copying my notes everyday and making flashcards and going over (and over and over and over) flashcards which is helping me learn. I am even starting to understand phrases in songs, and lines in drama and movies. Its very exciting. I am trying to do a little IV stuff here and there, and I should be able to get all of it done provided I don't completely vegg every time I am in my room.

Today In class we had to write letters to our parents. I raised my hand and said, "저기요, 우리 부모님이 한국말 못 해요." Or "But, my parents don't speak Korean." I felt like I was announcing to the world that my parents are illiterate. (They aren't. They are actually pretty smart.) So instead I got to write a letter to Sun Young. (I'll e-mail her it when my teacher gives it back with corrections.)

In that letter I wrote that, "After I learn Korean, Korean life will become more fun." (더 재미있어지겠어요.) Now, you'd pretty much have to have taken Korean grammar classes to understand all the different grammar structures that go into that one sentence, but I'm just going to say, that I felt pretty pimp writing it, and even more excited when I got it right.

Tomorrow for class I am giving a speech on my travels and my life as a jun-do-sa (missionary.) Being in Korea has got me all exited for missions again, and for the most random reasons. Writing a speech about it, youtube videos of Burhma, volunteering in a hospital with Paul. I wish G-d would tell me right now where I am going and what I am going to be doing there. (But I am also kind of scared to ask.)

While I could endlessly gush about Korea forever, I think I'll also include in my posts things that I find I am not so fond of. So one thing I don't like about Koreans is that most of them have already been to all the touristy places, and they don't want to go back. I would love to do more touristy things, (or even just museums) but instead Derek and I just go shopping. (We do a LOT of shopping.) Not to say that I don't like shopping. I always enjoy myself. But even though I am more likely then not going to come to Korea again, I wish I could do a little more sight seeing whilst here. (And its not just Derek. I haven't met ONE Korean history/ folk culture enthusiast in the whole program. For real Koreans/ Korea- Americans/ Korean Canadians- where is the love?)

Last story. Today Derek and I were talking about music, which lead to talking about a song (which is in Coffee Prince) which lead to talking about a scene from coffee prince (http://kr.youtube.com/watch?v=8UtderC_c00), which lead talking about cuddling. (And when I say we were talking, I really mean I was talking and Derek listening.) So I said what had come to mind when thinking about that scene. That when I am married, and I finally get to cuddle, it only makes sense that I am the little spoon. I am a lady, and hopefully (at 5'3 and 3/4ths) I will marry a guy taller then me. But I am getting so used to being the big spoon with Olson that it might be weird.

Derek thinks I think about these things too much. He is probably right.



PS. Olson is my Teddy Bear. Most people should know that by now because we are pretty close. But giving the context to which I am referring to him, I figure it is better not to leave any doubt.

우정은 한국에 가요 9: 오늘 아침

("맹우정" 한국이름이에요.)

오늘 아침 네시에 일아났어요. 우리 에어컨은 고장이 나은데 방이 너무 더웠어요. 그레서 일증의 TV방에 갔고 여기에서 첬어요.

아흡시에 일어났어요. 안양에 진짜 여행하기 싫었어서, 교회에 안 갔어요. 내 방에 돌아갔고 컴퓨터를 쓰러 짐대에서 앉았어요.

지금, 방짝은 참을 차면서 나한데 핸드폰을 던졌어요.

"어떻게? 어떠게? 미안해요! 야구에 대해서 꿈을 꾸었어요." 라고 말했어요. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ....

오늘도, 숙제를 했고, 드라마를 봤고, "Keeping the Sabbath Wholly"를 읽었어요.

KgtK 8: Shock Value

While theres not much going on in my life right now, my head seems to be working overtime to compensate. Thinking so much got me all emo this morning, and I ended up skipping Tea Kwan Do so I could just have some Katy and Olson time to chill and chat with God. I also took a nap. Then I went out to a tourist market with Derek for some shopping and dinner.

The past couple of times Derek and I have rode the subway, we have gotten some telling looks from hal ahmanis and ajoomas, suspecting that we are a couple. Derek said its just like in Save the Last dance. I agreed, but told him, no matter what kind of looks we get, we are NOT going to make out for shock value.

KgtK 7: What we have already attained.

Two posts in one night. I know, I know...

So, the only Bible I've read in three weeks has been Philippians, and I am stuck on 3:16. "Only let us live up to what we have already attained." What does that mean? I know so freaking much, but very little about how that would apply to the people I am around now.

I'm not sure I know how to be a Christian outside of Christian community. This is probably because we aren't really supposed to be outside of the church, but still. When I'm not a little or big or regular sister in Christ, what am I (to other people)?

I have that verse, and True Story (written by a Korean!) floating around in my mind. I'm trying to do the whole holistic gospel thing (love people, love G-d), but what does that look like when need isn't obvious, or the obvious need isn't something I can (or other people want me) to meet?
I hope this is a time of preparation, cause I can't think of much else I am doing here, except for fooling around (in a non-sexual way) with Derek. If G-d makes me speaking Korea and Spanish an integral part of my future ministry, I'm going to cry. That would be too good. I didn't ask G-d about learning Korean before I started, and even though I prayed a lot about coming to Korea and felt ok about it, there is still that nagging doubt that this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing.

I also wish NSO would plan itself, cause I really don't feel like answering my e-board e-mails and finishing up with NSO. (Why to NSO when you can go to NRB? (No-Re-Bang (Karaoke)))

I think I'm going to ask Paul if we can do a little English Bible study next time I go to Anyang so at least I'll have some fellowship. And I'll try to get off my kiester soon and do some thorough attending to e-board responsibilities.

KgtK Part 6: Does anyone know why I'm learning Korean?

I really should blog more often, because now I don't know where to start.

If you have been checking my facebook, you know that I have become pretty good friends with this kid name Derek. We basically do everything together. We meet each other during each break between classes, eat lunch, walk to Tea Kwan Do, walk home, meet up for dinner, and study together. When we don't have homework or class, we go shopping and site seeing. This Saturday we are taking a Calligraphy class, and the next we are going on a hike. Its weird cause I don't think I've ever had a friend who I did everything with. That usually isn't my style. Like at summer camp, girls would pair off and do all their activities together, but I was always too independent to be okay with that.

Derek is really cool though. We are very loud and spastic together. Or maybe, I am just my usually spastic self, and he is okay with that. Its nice to not have to worry about toning myself down all the time. We also sing Tegan and Sara songs together. Like, he'll sing, and I'll do the piano parts, or I'll sing and he will do back up. We basically rock.

On the academic level, I feel like my Korean's not getting better. And even though I want to learn Korean more and more, I know less and less why. Does anyone know why I'm learning Korean? If you do, please let me know.