KtgK 12: Warm fuzzy.

So today I realized I love myself. I love who God created me. We went and tried on makeup at some store, and you know how my eyes are gorgeous after I put eye make up on? (Well, they are.) And my the girl friends I was with kept complementing me. And I realized then, that I don't want to be Korean. I just want to be a white person who really likes Korea, speaks Korean, and knows a lot about it. Which is probably really healthy cause thats all I can really ever be. No more resenting who God created me as. What a warm fuzzy day for me.

So in Korea, weird things are separated by sex. There are separate boys and girls laundry rooms in my building. I was watching these flag dancers/ cheer leaders rehearse today, and even though they were learning the same exact thing, they were broken into guys and girls (and this is college). Also, in the library there are guys and girls lounges, which would make sense if there were bunk beds or something for naps, but its really just a couple of benches and a vending machine. None of these things are wrong bad or inconvenient, just from an American perspective, unnecessary.

And on that note, does anyone have opinions on blog ediquitte and writing about gender specific issues? I find my self often thinking about posting things that I would tell Flo or Jo (or any girl really) in a heart beat, but might be embarrassed if I guy overheard. To me that means I shouldn't blog about it. Any differing opinions?

Brazil?

So, I just got a missions report from some YWAMers in Brazil, and it made me think, Brazil?

Because of my background in Spanish, it wouldn't take very long to learn Portugese, I'm pretty sure there is a sizable Korean community there, and its a country where I could deff use my nursing in a free-clinic like environment.

Right now I'm playing the "Where in the world is God going to use all these random things about me?" game. Brazil makes me go, "hmmmm...."

(But don't ask in a year if I'm still going to Brazil. Its just a thought. A pondering. A mere musing. I still have no clue where G-d might bring me.)

KtgK 11: An adventure.

Yesterday I went on an adventure and found YWAM Seoul. I got there and it was in this apartment like building, so I start going up the stairs and catch a guy on his way to the bathroom. Thats when I realized I had no clue how to express what I was there for in Korean. Oops.

So I made him wait while I found my cell phone and used the Korean English dictionary in it to figure out the word office, and pointed to my self saying "나도 YWAMer 이에요." (I'm a YWAMer too.) I also asked "영어 말한 사람 있어요?" (Is there an English speaking person here?) Real smooth, right?

So I got to speak with one of the YWAMers there in Konglish for about an hour about the base, YWAMs ministries in Seoul and the rest of Korea, and of coarse, who I was and why the heck I was there.

So YWAM in Seoul does a lot of the usual YWAM type things (DTS, Performing Arts, Kings Kids, etc...), but it also acts like InterVarsity in that there is a YWAM staff at almost every university in Seoul doing Carrie-like things. There is even one at Yonsei, but I don't know if I will contact him seeing as I'm only here for another week and a half.

So there are a lot of really cool things about 'YWAM InterVarsity' especially when there are a lot of chapters all in one city. One of them is "Campus Worship" which I went to after I left the base. Its basically like a the large group times in a IV retreat, except there are more people (around 500 when I went, but over 1,000 when school is in its regular session) AND they do it every Thursday. I went and it was VERY very cool. It makes me want to go to real college here.

And thats another thought on my mind. Lets say by the time I graduate college I am functionally fluent in Korean. I could totally do grad work or YWAM schools here. I don't know if thats whats in God's plan for me (but I would love it if it is.)

And that brings me back to this nagging fear that A. I am currently not doing God's will and B. That I will be too afraid to really seek what the heck Gods will is for the future.

I know thats a slippery slope into neon sign desperation, but I know I need to stop and really pray about the next two years and the couple of years after that so I can stop playing a "whats God's will" guessing game. But I am too scared to do it.

Thats a dumb fear cause God is God and Hes not failed me once. I wish that fact would connect more with how I live my life.

On a different note, I think I am going to cut back of my media intake. I think I found myself thinking today that if I don't get a boyfriend soon my heart might just break and stop beating and I will die and be dead like a dead dead thing that is not alive and has no life. I find this type of utter desperation to be unbecoming of a girl/women my age (too old to be so dramatic, too young to be so desperate) so I think I might need to deal with my main reminder of my singledom and retake up my Lenten discipline of no romantic comedy/drama. Being okay with where God has put me know will probably help me figure out where He wants me to go.

You have probably heard me say all of this before (because I know I have said all of this before.) Apparently this is a lesson I am choosing to learn the long way...

This has nothing to do with Korea

I just watched a you tube video of hill song doing "best friend" in a concert or something and I'm pretty sure I got motion sickness just from watching it. I know you can break dance, and dance dance, and hop up and down for Jesus, but if I went to that church, I think I would just be distracted and out of breath for Jesus.

(I'm not criticizing, just questioning if that would be a helpful environment for me to focus on God. I think thats what heaven might look like though (assuming you can't get distracted in heaven.))

(Bix requested the link, so here it is http://kr.youtube.com/watch?v=eLeMHfk4zlY)

KgtK 10: I think about these things too much.

My life has settled into a pretty steady rythem, hence the few posts. I am not doing the assinged homework from class, but I am copying my notes everyday and making flashcards and going over (and over and over and over) flashcards which is helping me learn. I am even starting to understand phrases in songs, and lines in drama and movies. Its very exciting. I am trying to do a little IV stuff here and there, and I should be able to get all of it done provided I don't completely vegg every time I am in my room.

Today In class we had to write letters to our parents. I raised my hand and said, "저기요, 우리 부모님이 한국말 못 해요." Or "But, my parents don't speak Korean." I felt like I was announcing to the world that my parents are illiterate. (They aren't. They are actually pretty smart.) So instead I got to write a letter to Sun Young. (I'll e-mail her it when my teacher gives it back with corrections.)

In that letter I wrote that, "After I learn Korean, Korean life will become more fun." (더 재미있어지겠어요.) Now, you'd pretty much have to have taken Korean grammar classes to understand all the different grammar structures that go into that one sentence, but I'm just going to say, that I felt pretty pimp writing it, and even more excited when I got it right.

Tomorrow for class I am giving a speech on my travels and my life as a jun-do-sa (missionary.) Being in Korea has got me all exited for missions again, and for the most random reasons. Writing a speech about it, youtube videos of Burhma, volunteering in a hospital with Paul. I wish G-d would tell me right now where I am going and what I am going to be doing there. (But I am also kind of scared to ask.)

While I could endlessly gush about Korea forever, I think I'll also include in my posts things that I find I am not so fond of. So one thing I don't like about Koreans is that most of them have already been to all the touristy places, and they don't want to go back. I would love to do more touristy things, (or even just museums) but instead Derek and I just go shopping. (We do a LOT of shopping.) Not to say that I don't like shopping. I always enjoy myself. But even though I am more likely then not going to come to Korea again, I wish I could do a little more sight seeing whilst here. (And its not just Derek. I haven't met ONE Korean history/ folk culture enthusiast in the whole program. For real Koreans/ Korea- Americans/ Korean Canadians- where is the love?)

Last story. Today Derek and I were talking about music, which lead to talking about a song (which is in Coffee Prince) which lead to talking about a scene from coffee prince (http://kr.youtube.com/watch?v=8UtderC_c00), which lead talking about cuddling. (And when I say we were talking, I really mean I was talking and Derek listening.) So I said what had come to mind when thinking about that scene. That when I am married, and I finally get to cuddle, it only makes sense that I am the little spoon. I am a lady, and hopefully (at 5'3 and 3/4ths) I will marry a guy taller then me. But I am getting so used to being the big spoon with Olson that it might be weird.

Derek thinks I think about these things too much. He is probably right.



PS. Olson is my Teddy Bear. Most people should know that by now because we are pretty close. But giving the context to which I am referring to him, I figure it is better not to leave any doubt.

우정은 한국에 가요 9: 오늘 아침

("맹우정" 한국이름이에요.)

오늘 아침 네시에 일아났어요. 우리 에어컨은 고장이 나은데 방이 너무 더웠어요. 그레서 일증의 TV방에 갔고 여기에서 첬어요.

아흡시에 일어났어요. 안양에 진짜 여행하기 싫었어서, 교회에 안 갔어요. 내 방에 돌아갔고 컴퓨터를 쓰러 짐대에서 앉았어요.

지금, 방짝은 참을 차면서 나한데 핸드폰을 던졌어요.

"어떻게? 어떠게? 미안해요! 야구에 대해서 꿈을 꾸었어요." 라고 말했어요. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ....

오늘도, 숙제를 했고, 드라마를 봤고, "Keeping the Sabbath Wholly"를 읽었어요.

KgtK 8: Shock Value

While theres not much going on in my life right now, my head seems to be working overtime to compensate. Thinking so much got me all emo this morning, and I ended up skipping Tea Kwan Do so I could just have some Katy and Olson time to chill and chat with God. I also took a nap. Then I went out to a tourist market with Derek for some shopping and dinner.

The past couple of times Derek and I have rode the subway, we have gotten some telling looks from hal ahmanis and ajoomas, suspecting that we are a couple. Derek said its just like in Save the Last dance. I agreed, but told him, no matter what kind of looks we get, we are NOT going to make out for shock value.

KgtK 7: What we have already attained.

Two posts in one night. I know, I know...

So, the only Bible I've read in three weeks has been Philippians, and I am stuck on 3:16. "Only let us live up to what we have already attained." What does that mean? I know so freaking much, but very little about how that would apply to the people I am around now.

I'm not sure I know how to be a Christian outside of Christian community. This is probably because we aren't really supposed to be outside of the church, but still. When I'm not a little or big or regular sister in Christ, what am I (to other people)?

I have that verse, and True Story (written by a Korean!) floating around in my mind. I'm trying to do the whole holistic gospel thing (love people, love G-d), but what does that look like when need isn't obvious, or the obvious need isn't something I can (or other people want me) to meet?
I hope this is a time of preparation, cause I can't think of much else I am doing here, except for fooling around (in a non-sexual way) with Derek. If G-d makes me speaking Korea and Spanish an integral part of my future ministry, I'm going to cry. That would be too good. I didn't ask G-d about learning Korean before I started, and even though I prayed a lot about coming to Korea and felt ok about it, there is still that nagging doubt that this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing.

I also wish NSO would plan itself, cause I really don't feel like answering my e-board e-mails and finishing up with NSO. (Why to NSO when you can go to NRB? (No-Re-Bang (Karaoke)))

I think I'm going to ask Paul if we can do a little English Bible study next time I go to Anyang so at least I'll have some fellowship. And I'll try to get off my kiester soon and do some thorough attending to e-board responsibilities.

KgtK Part 6: Does anyone know why I'm learning Korean?

I really should blog more often, because now I don't know where to start.

If you have been checking my facebook, you know that I have become pretty good friends with this kid name Derek. We basically do everything together. We meet each other during each break between classes, eat lunch, walk to Tea Kwan Do, walk home, meet up for dinner, and study together. When we don't have homework or class, we go shopping and site seeing. This Saturday we are taking a Calligraphy class, and the next we are going on a hike. Its weird cause I don't think I've ever had a friend who I did everything with. That usually isn't my style. Like at summer camp, girls would pair off and do all their activities together, but I was always too independent to be okay with that.

Derek is really cool though. We are very loud and spastic together. Or maybe, I am just my usually spastic self, and he is okay with that. Its nice to not have to worry about toning myself down all the time. We also sing Tegan and Sara songs together. Like, he'll sing, and I'll do the piano parts, or I'll sing and he will do back up. We basically rock.

On the academic level, I feel like my Korean's not getting better. And even though I want to learn Korean more and more, I know less and less why. Does anyone know why I'm learning Korean? If you do, please let me know.

KgtK Part 5: Obsessive

Today I had four hours of Korean class, and then did about six hours of study and home work. I am either Yonsie's most diligent or most obsessive Korean student.