Healing

Today I went on a walk besides the Mohawk River with Thomas. We watched a lock operate, walked, ate a picnic lunch, hurtled, walked, stopped a stop sign, walked, and went home. Sigh. It was beautiful. It smelled beautiful too. (I think my mom thought it was a date though, cause when I came down stairs dressed in my nature walk outfit she said, "Katy, that isn't cute enough!" and subsequently tried to put me in something floral.)

My poor mommy might not have passes her Pharmacy boards. My poor family now has to live with an emotional wreck for the next five- six weeks until the results come in. If she doesn't pass, she will only get half the pay working as a pharm tech until she can take the boards again. This is a disaster. Mom started crying at the dinner table tonight cause she doesn't think we can live on half salary.

On the one hand, my mom has had it really rough. On the other hand, get a grip.

I know I'm just mad because I don't want to see my mom all torn up and worried about money. She worries herself sick and complains about all these things that I have no power to do anything about, so I get mad at the situation and that comes out as being mad at her. Blah! I wish my parents had friends. And that she passes.

So praying. I prayed. (I know, I should get a sticker or something, right?) And the consensus is basically I'm called to what I'm called to and that call is something I can do (with G-d) and more then that is not for me to do. (Sunroot, if you read this, I know that you've been telling me this all along, sorry, I'm a slow learner.) Very calming and reassuring. Also a good push for me to pray as knowing that I can only do so much, I will have to ask G-d to orchestrate the rest.

And for NSO today, like a said, I just prayed. I prayed through the event calender actually. I want free food and friendliness and good programming to be a bonus but real draw to be G-d. G-d drawing people to Himself, and hey! you can get a free s'more on the way.

Thomas and I were talking about how entertainment is the new opiate of the masses now a days. That people haven't asked those big scary fundamental questions of life because oo! look! a Real World marathon!!! I think my prayers boiled down to not smooth logistics but a hunger. And when they see the "Sponsered by InterVarsity Christian Fellowship," that people will be like, "wow, I really need G-d in my life, and I really want to be apart of G-d's life. Christian Fellowship, I'm there!!"

I know thats pretty far from the reality of the situation, but that is why I am praying for it. Silly goose.

I haven't cried since last night, but my body feels like it does during those last sniffles of a good crying session. Maybe this is what healing feels like.